The last year or so has been pretty tough for me. A lot of ins and outs, ups and downs. A lot of feeling like my life didn’t have purpose and God had forgotten about me. Or else that I had forgotten about God and wasn’t really following his plan for my life.
Kind of the feeling of being outside the carnival. Lots of good booths are out there, the cotton candy, the face painter, but I can’t help but looking up at the swirling lights and wonder what it’d be like to be in there with them.
Then in late December and early January, swirling around the time of my last post, I really felt God telling me to go for my dream, the one that kept popping up every time I felt really floundery in the past year (and yes I’m allowed to make up words like floundery. English majors earn that right.)
And so Unfading was born. It went from a hazy view to http://www.unfading.org, a website for teen girls and young women discovering their identity in Christ in the sum total of five months.
Five months of praying like I’ve never prayed before, feeling certain I’d heard God wrong and nearly backing out, feeling bleary eyed over late nights at the computer and panicking because that doggone WordPress plug-in just WOULD NOT do what it was supposed to.
Now here I am, seeing the redemption not only of a long year, but of years before that, years the locusts had eaten, as scripture puts it, by eating my self-confidence, my knowledge of God’s opinion of me, and leaving behind scars I’ll spend a lifetime healing from.
But God is faithful and on this night my Bible reading consisted of a few of these verses (copied from where I copied them into my journal so excuse error please):
The Lord is King! Ps. 97:1
Sing a new song to the Lord for he has done wonderful deeds … He has remembered his promise to love and be faithful to Israel. The ends of the east have seen the victory of our God. Ps. 98:1, 3
Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning … You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God I will give thanks to you forever! Ps. 30: 5b, 11-12
My heart is confident in you, O God; no wonder I can sing your praises with all my heart! Ps. 108:1
Apt, don’t you think?
And it doesn’t feel like I thought it would, with everything all perfect and clear. But it feels like the start of a wonderful journey. I’m inside the carnival now and just waiting for God to point out which ride to do first! But before I do that, I have to stop and say thank you. Thank You God.